bedlam updates

Only hours till we go to the worst event in the world in a city full of cops hallucinating from lack of sleep. I'm also thrilled that white people are starting to shoot guns at Black Lives Matter people, that World War 3 might kick off while I'm overseas and that working class people in Australia have decided now is a good time to rethink our earlier poor relationship with Hitler. It's fucking hilarious. Our AFP has been ignoring atrocities in PNG so they won't close our refugee c ruelty camps. Concentration camps. Death camps. When I say it's hilarious, I'm not being ironic. This is all solid stuff and anyone who can't laugh at it is someone to run screaming from. Alert your friends: if anyone is being a bummer about this shit avoid them at all costs. Do not let depressives, anxious people or drama legends fuck with your high. This is an amazing time to be alive so enjoy it to the motherfucking limit. It's all happening, man.

Since the Paris attacks there's been a lot of talk that makes me think of a flabby pale dude who is seeing himself shredding on an electric guitar on a cliff top during a wild storm. "ISIS are bad and they're cowards and I can't stop laughing at them because they're silly!" says Epic Bravery guy in no way letting on that he's so close to shitting he's been online all week doing close research on which adult diapers won't show over the top of his cargo shorts if his X-Men T shirt rides up while he's reaching for Star Wars merchandise. Well I say "merchandise" but he's in the kids section at Kmart. Which is where I hope ISIS gets him.

Uh, duurr. Haven't been blogging but I have been doing Facebook posts that consist of writing. This one is one week after the Paris attacks, one day before Fascists rally in Melton (45 minutes out of Melbourne) and a few days before I go to Paris as part of WACA to support the Climate Guardians during the climate talks:       Reckon I might give the Melton encounter with fascists a miss because I'm days from Paris and I can only absorb so much dumb fucking scary fuckfaced bullshit coming from people who just need to read a fucking book but won't.  The Paris burden is enough: media have taken every chance to get it wrong and inflame tension. Some spooked activists are talking frightened shit that (if anyone listens to them) could see the climate talks go entirely unmolested by any contact with reali ty.  The people who make the big dosh from wrecking our world are in those talks and we the people are not. Our only hope is people in the streets of Paris lettin...

http://comedianwithnomates.tumblr.com/ I'll be collecting my new video series at the above address. The fourth episode was supposed to go out last night but iMovie misbehaved and I immediately folded in half because Apple products have groomed me to become a consumer worm consisting of a tube that joins a mouth and an anus and frankly the 24 hour news cycle has me unsure sometimes which hole is which. Anyway, do share these fights of fancy. Yes, I said fights, because I am a fighter and a loser and quality entertainment is freely available these days that it's hard to tell if civilisation is collapsing or if it's just my attention span. Much more to come.

Australia's refugee problem is so complex that normal humans cannot be expected to get their heads around it. I know this because I visited Jeff's Shed to witness Labor Party delegates communicate detailed logistical insights mostly through sad stories about feeling bad. One even lovingly described a post-it note upon which was written a baby asylum seeker's name. He kept it over his desk to remind him of the real stories behind the issues behind the feelings he was having. Just imagine the Groundhog Day of seeing a post-it note and exclaiming, "Oh that's right! Refugees! No wonder I'm sad! If only their plight was not so bloody complex! Well, it's drink'o'clock." It's tempting to get on a moral high horse about Australia's cruel treatment of people on leaky boats. However the fact is if you express any concern at all about these people you will be instantly set upon by a guy rubbing his fingers together, saying, "Look it's t...

A huge penis has appeared in Clifton Hill and it's not me. What an auspicious sign. This same week as if proving that magic is real I had an idea that wasn't yet another can of worms. Yes, I had a practical thought. Off the back of this massive brainwave I made my way to one of those places that specialises in products aimed at people who are blessed with an eye for a bargain and no taste whatsoever. The psychic energy of the place groaned under the weight of crappy products made by weeping Chinese teenagers. I mean, I assume so, I try to live in my head precisely to avoid feeling the misery of people I'd like to assist in some way, but can't, because the Left are too paralysed by anger at dick jokes to actually help people struggling with problems a bit more pressing than being made to feel uncomfortable. Seriously guys, I am fucking obsessed with the notion that the cliched earnestness of some radicals when it comes to demanding that spaces be made "sa...

My current routine is quite simple. Upon waking I like to spend some time simply lying peacefully. I drag this out for as long as I can to increase the possibility that I may have a major stroke while I'm in a nice comfortable position. After a while it usually becomes quite clear God wants to me to get out there and at very least ruin some other dickhead's day and I slip into my comfortable, elastic waisted internet surfing pants and make two slices of toast that stare back at me and ask, "You again" like evil twins covered in crumbs. Or made of crumbs? Who knows. Perhaps we'll never know. Breakfast is my least favourite time of the day because I am also on the internet being reminded most people who say stuff and talk words are an argument for ethnic cleansing, genocide or any of the cool processes that make piles of dead people. I like my coffee just so and then it's time to get on my bicycle and go for a ride to really clear my head by muttering to mysel...