bedlam updates

Teenagers had a late night party on a nearby rooftop and I imagined them falling to their deaths then felt bad then felt bad that they were alive. Bellowing. Screaming. Not even being killed. Teenagers are not human. Going self consciously quiet then arcing up again like human car alarms. I was stripped of all dignity. Unable to close the window- these shitty apartments have zero ventilation- I listened intently for the sound of a falling body. No one interrupts teenagers, because if you talk to them you have to kill all of them and then there's the tedium of collecting high-5s from their newly freed parents. Not all teenagers are the teenagers in the horror movies aimed at teenagers, just the ones who can get rooftop access to a building at 1am on a Tuesday.

When I first got my hands on what the Germans call a handy, it blew my mind that I could make (lo-resolution black and white) videos with a phone, now a phone can get high quality panoramic pictures and the world is about to end, so enjoy that.

It was a time of eating shit. Across the land, men who had sought power, some briefly finding it, were just chowing down on turds like total champs. "Look at him go!" Onlookers cheered and jeered as these pompous idiots who had flown so high, landed face first in an all you can eat shit feast. Some ate shit graciously but they were still eating shit and encouraging words rang out, words like, "Suffer in your jocks" and of course, "Eat shit cunt!" 1 reply 0 retweets 1 like The little people, the common folk, those who had eaten oh so very much shit did take in this spectacle and dance and skip about. One guy brought out a guitar and the people "accidentally" smashed it because fucksake mate, really? Are you at *every* party? Mister Wonderwall? Fuck. 1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes The People hoped the shit eating would never end. And perhaps, just maybe, it never would. *disneyland fireworks reflected in a child

Do I need to have watched every episode of The West Wing to be able to decode what these people care about? I did watch The West Wing. As with The Wire I was drawn into a world that felt so alive. It's good to joke around like this. I think I lasted one (1) episode and then really wanted access to weapons, ammo and the floor plans of several buildings. Walk with me. We make our way through the corridors of power, shooting people who watch a basic bitch TV show aimed at middle brows whose egos wake at 5 am. Hilariously, some instinctively hold up their clipboards and iPads as protection. Heads that once absorbed incredibly dangerous TV shatter into pieces. "West Wing is fucking awful and you are bad for enjoying it!" I bellow this but they die with no idea why I really fucking hate Public Opinion Star Trek. Outside, millions of fans of The West Wing are attracted by the noise, I emerge to kill all of them because they're not up to practicalities like &q

All Australian terrorists should go on a special watch list just in case they do something. How do we know who they are? They're terrorists, stupid! Terrorists would worry about being watched and feel self conscious. greatly impeding their progress. Yes, they are all "progressives". Once we have ended terrorism by looking at the causes we can safely return to invading other countries to create heroes we respect many times a year. Jerking off at the war memorial will however still be illegal. 0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes

We need to not only stop letting people into Australia we should encourage Australians to stop breeding, at gunpoint if necessary. We are letting people make more people, which is of course bad for the economy, which requires as few people as possible to function properly. If there are too many people they spend all the money and then there's no money. Think! People are filling up our public transport and roads, which stops the economy from reaching our rural areas. Additionally, our country towns should be consolidated into "cities", which would be centres for economy opportunities. In closing, overpopulation is a solution based economy outcome. 0 retweets 0 likes 1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes In closing, overpopulation is a solution based economy outcome.

When a man dies, think carefully about your words and really sum up the rat racist larry pickering dog arsehole fuck. Can't wait for his fans to die. Can't wait for people who are nice to arseholes to die. Can't wait for death to claim a lot of people really. Is there any way to pray *to* death? I want to live and see heaps of death. I want to live and be a good person doing helpful things I enjoy and see bodies swinging from every pole. I want my sense of precariousness and fear that the world won't change for the better just swept away by a huge, smiling wall of blood. Amen.

Australia’s history of anti-Italian racism echoes grotesquely in rhetoric about Sudanese people My mostly Irish dad married a pretty much-fully-Italian and would call us kids fucking sneaky little wog liar cowards. Straya. In my own family I was treated with all sorts of suspicion and distrust because of my Italian blood. Me and my brothers were routinely abused by our father based on "lacking character" that came from being "fucken little dagos". In this fucked up story Italians are untrustworthy. Anyway, I'm a white person who was racisted by my white dad because Straya.

So I keep seeing this thing of men who are threatened by women's hair. These alpha bros are just making up shit to be scared of at this point. Imagine being such a brutally thrusting power stance champ you do a little in-your-pants poo if you see pink hair. Imagine being such a full metal combat vet you involuntarily do some piddle if blue hair on a lady appears in front of your bad sunglasses. Imagine being such a locked and loaded chin ups doer you recoil in horror at the sight of a woman who looks a tad punk rock. Imagine being such a committed lifehack warrior that the sight of a woman who maybe likes seeing bands and drinking makes your dick go all tiny. Imagine being such a calorie counting abs wanter you have to sit down for a little cry every time you are presented with a modern woman. Imagine you're a HUGE VIRGIN inventing lots of rules for women to live by. Wow. I kind of you love you champ. You're a big bodywash baby.

Bicycle Thieves, a film about crushing poverty, is also a very popular Northcote cafe and it's very 2018-end-times-we-deserve-it-and-by-it-I-mean-death. If nothing means anything, culture is just products to be stripped for parts, memory is non-existent, then change is not possible. Imagine the work that went into thinking up that cafe and the absolute crisis of imagination it represents. The cafe fit-out is minimalist verging on nothingness, I don't know where the customers are from, but they don't exactly sizzle with possibility. I'm off to the gym to listen to leftist podcasts and become a rippling beast of apocalyptic preparedness. Amen. 1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes The customers look like they'd go on a cruise ship on purpose. Nothing is more unsettling than people who aspire to be normal. They are the only truly freakish subculture. I'm off to the gym to listen to leftist podcasts and become a rippling beast of apocalyptic preparedness. A

The Hurt Locker. A man who doesn't like feeling extremely alive is trapped in a supermarket. Zero Dark Thirty. Jessica Chastain is so driven a man's head explodes. Saving Private Ryan. Every American is murdered on a beach. American Sniper. An American sniper struggles to build a new life for himself in Iraq. Fury. Brad Pitt absorbs five hand grenades with his balls and then you can see a flag and it's the Stars'n'Stripey. 12 strong. A war movie is terrible but people who want to join up won't notice. Lone Survivor. The ex-serviceman who killed 13 college kids gave it five stars. Wonder woman. Hillary Clinton fails to win an election. 0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes

The Amazon news out of New York is terrible. In the 90s we talked about the dead end work of McJobs, but this is much more fun. 1 reply 0 retweets 1 like You could maybe survive a McJob for a few years, but Amazon jobs destroy people in a matter of months. That is so cool. When tired, anxious, depressed, injured people finally snap, it's going to be awesome. You can only create so many losers before they fight back. Being a dishwasher in the extremely abusive hospitality industry radicalised me as much as anything else and I tally up these terrible stories every day. Guillotines.

At first it was a few rings of onion, but soon it was bucketing down and people ran for cover to escape the onion rain. The warm rings were ankle deep in minutes, cars slid through shop fronts, mowing down shoppers. Still the onions fell, sliced to easily cook alongside the bullshit sausages fuckheads choke down that no one even knows what's in them and that. Like what's in this sausage fucked if I know I'm a dumb cunt the onions were at neck height and rising people were being smothered casualties were enormous. Soon all was silent all were dead the land healed over time eventually there was no trace of a species of adult morons who wasted everyone's fucking time the end.

Hey remember at the end of WW2 when Allied troops went into concentration camps and instead of debating Nazis they just murdered them? That was cool. They were all like, "We were just following orders!" and the soldiers were all like, "We don't care." and they killed them. That was great. More recently though, remember when you didn't suspect Nazis and their spineless collaborators were absolutely everywhere? I miss that a bit. I liked not weighing people up and thinking, "Can't be trusted to not side with Nazis. Avoid this otherwise amazingly normal person." 1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes Oh I'll have the last laugh when people who currently deny the existence of Nazis are closely with Nazis to end the existence of me. Ha. Ha. *working closely lol we're all going to die if we don't organise 0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes

What could be more Aussie than a bloody sausage sizzle at a giant hardware sewer that destroyed several hundred thousand small businesses. Before Bunnings a sausage sizzle meant you were at a footy club eating the only food violent drunks don't think is gay. Before Bunnings there were small hardware places and if they didn't have it they'd order it and you'd wait for it because you weren't insane. 2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes Before Bunnings you didn't have to act like you'd never seen a sausage on your way past a fucking greeter who checks you're not a thief on the way back out. Before Bunnings you didn't have to look at way too many other Australians on your way to get tape and a hose to die in your garage LIKE A MAN Before Bunnings you would go to the hardware joint in Johnston St. Collingwood where everything was pretty much piled on the floor and it was awesome. Also before Bunnings mobile phones weren't a thing so

Occupy was fucking horrible but sound ideas came out of it, like hippies must never be allowed near anything real ever again. Real good came out of it but I swear I met the biggest arseholes in the known universe there. I'm not complaining though, I did to get to meet fuckwits I wasn't even aware were possible. I think most of them have dropped off because no one wants to listen to their shit. My faves now reject all leftism, which is extremely mainstream of them. My first contact with Occupy was an image of a ballerina on the Wall Street bull. How did I miss that extremely urgent warning? The End. 0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes

There's a Lentil As Anything nearby. Pay what you like restaurant. A great idea and it attracts the most punchable people on Earth. "Pay what I like, but please return my plates and cutlery? I don't think so. I'm not your slave." They are loathsome time travellers from the 60s. When I walk past I look away, lest I see a room full of people who've been told they are an "old soul" by an elderly wannabe rapist at a barefoot arsehole festival. As a little kid in the 70s I'd look up at these slackjawed layabouts and wonder what the fuck happened to them. All alternative communities fill me with disgust. When I see a hippy I become a nazi supercop grandpa of death. Once when I was mentally ill I offered a hippy my car and he actually took it. The End.

We need more people in uniform on Melbourne's streets, but not just any people, people who don't ask questions and are angry at questions. People who are baffled by the arts and wish everyone would just bloody get on with it and are unaware their grandparents were fascists in WW2. People who like rules and order and getting up early and neatness and/or cracking heads, being a fucking prick, eating out a bosses arsehole. It's odd that more people aren't cops, what with the sheer numbers of gentle folk who want to be locked in a cycle of being pissed on/pissing on others. This thread is brought to you by the graffiti that used to be on the Frankston train line, "I Hate Peaple".

Only cops should be allowed into the centre of Melbourne. I want an all cop city and I will settle for nothing less. Permanent cops everywhere now. I want cops to come to my home every morning for a coffee and a chat so I know I am being watched. When I look in the mirror I want to see a cop looking back at me but also literally a cop appearing suddenly behind me like Mike Myers so I feel safe. 1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes When I leave my home I want to see cops guarding the door and also some other cops about to burst in and arrest everyone in the building. When I'm on the 86 tram all I want to see out the window is cops arresting each other while other cops protest that there are not enough cops. When I go to a rally I want to see 100s of cops in armour and cops protecting far right provocateurs. Just joking, I've seen that loads of times. Have a cop day!