Hotdog Warlord

 

I was getting mad that the Wagner boss who seems to have attempted a coup in Russia is being called the “hotdog warlord”. Once upon a time he had a hotdog stand and I was displeased by what I saw as middle class wankers having one of their little laughs at such a working class activity. I was right that they are laughing, but I was wrong about what they were laughing at, which was of course hotdogs. In my rush to always shit on anyone in a suit, in an office, their pretentiousness and out of touchness, it was I who was out of touch, because hotdogs are funny.
Sometimes people are just having a laugh. I don’t have to jump down their throats. I could try chilling out to be honest. Hotdog Warlord. How did I not reckon that was funny? What a humorless lefty piece of shit I am. What a terribly earnest party pooper. What a fuckin killjoy. I should be sent to the work camps in Siberia. I should be on a list. I should be transported to Australia and flogged with a cat’o’nine tails.
In the 90sj massive flogs used to wank off about political correctness. It was pretty much punishers all round back then too. The only people wtih anything interesting to say about it just did not bother, they were too busy being smart and barely even noticing how much sex they were having.
Only yesterday I was noticing the prison themed bar that’s opening up in Melbourne. I was thinking, calm down everyone, you don’t actually have to be offended by this, it’s just really stupid. But then I imagined going to this prison bar and establishing top dog status by beating the owner senseless with a chair. And then I thought about all the arsehole bar owners with shit for brains who could use a chair-assisted brainstorming session to freshen up their ideas.
When I was very young I learned to read as soon as I could as a way to opt out of the disturbing vibes at home. I do remember my father seeing me poring over a newspaper and him telling me none of the stuff in there affects us little people. Well, he said, none of it affects him. Hey dad, I’m reading the paper, fuck off peasant. The whole point of me becoming addicted to reading the papers is to not be mentally present for your checked-out bad attitudes, you absolute freak. Anyway, so I’ve been subjecting myself to dogshit media forever and have been prey to every hype cycle and been sucked into every bit of bullshit going.
It’s actually quite clever how they do it. It used to be that you read between the lines to work out what might be really going on, or at least a version of events that more suited your taste. Maybe it’s always been like this, but they started to hide all the actual news in the financial pages. I’m sorry, I have limits, I am not reading that shit. So I’m stuck with the normal news, which turns me into a fucking idiot. I mean, not such an idiot that I reckon Hotdog Warlord would be a good band name, and I do feel bad for the musicians who started that band today and are already jamming out ideas for songs they will play for no one, because people aren’t leaving the house to see Hotdog Warlord. Actually, I’ve changed my mind, godspeed Hotdog Warlord, you crazy bastards.
All reactions:
Janice Catherall and 1 other

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Exciting Apple Vision Pro

Apple has an embarrassing new product that over-affluent parents are desperate to get their hands on. It’s a headset for looking at videos, that you control with your eyeballs! It’s also goggles you wear to watch the videos you made while it was on your head earlier- before the divorce- and it takes you back to those precious moments? Because the same thing is on your head? Imagine being reminded that you lost your kids because you were a too cashed up nerd, every time you look at a video of your children. Who don’t love you anymore. I joke, because I irrationally hate, but a Youtube guy who tried out this gadget was seriously excited about collecting memories with his child. Yes, bro, they grow up so fast, so strap a shame thing onto your face and gather up all those images of your child becoming increasingly alienated from you because the only part of your face they can see is your weird smile. Your strange techno smile. Your disturbing, self satisfied shitty lips. Your weird fucked
Read more

My Trigger Words

Here's the list of words I'd ask people to avoid using around me as they trigger terrible memories for me: memories, trigger, childhood, mother, school, dad, father, parents, wedding, marriage, divorce, airport, family, brother, step, sister, half, brother, beatings, violence, arguments, abuse, crying, depression, mental, health, illness, apricots, lecture, house, home, night, day, morning, sleep, food, book, reading, education, bullying, haircut, coldsore, lunch, Kraft, Cheddar, vegemite, shop, lifting, police, comic, books, fight, smile, wave, goodbye, airplane, letter, London, Bay, City, Rollers, visit, phone, call, abandonment, development, rear, raise, grow, mature, thwart, damage, ruin, wreck, punish, severely, minor, misdemeanour, tree, fire, burning, yelling, hiding, cricket, stump, hitting, memory, loss, blank, recall, blind, spot, hideous, shame, embarrassment, misery, humiliation, judgement, ignorance, middle, class, job, McJob, vicious, cycle, bicyc
Read more