Oh nukes, you say?

 Some unexpected news, an exchange of thousands of nuclear missiles between the USA and Russia would probably be fine. So there it is, the worst thing anyone has ever said.

According to my new favourite people, concerns about nuclear war are lies invented by hysterics as a cowardly excuse to abandon Ukraine to it’s fate. One moment, I need to crank up some brutal metal to help me survive this devastating journey through internet god emperor logic. Ah yes, the crushing riffage of Hate Eternal, formed 1997 in St Petersburg, Florida. To continue despite wanting to lie face down, what are these cranium warriors synapsing about?

According to people who type things that make my eyes bulge uncomfortably, there are many myths about how nuclear weapons work. One is that they destroy “everything”. These staunch champions point to photos of Hiroshima that show some buildings kind of sort of still standing. There’s nothing alive in the buildings, they have no windows or doors, but bricks are seen to be standing on other bricks, so that’s the Hiroshima myth BUSTED.

A nuclear war would cause a nuclear winter thanks to vaporised nations blotting out the sun. Wow, imagine being a cloud. Gorgeous. Anyway this is just what I remember from growing up during the Cold War. Wait a minute! Maybe nuclear weapons are Cold War propaganda! Yes, it’s probably all a hoax, as demonstrated by the US war criminal annihilation of HIroshima and Nagasaki. What actually happened was one hundred and ten thousand Japanese human people set fire to themselves to make atomic bombs look bad.  

This nuclear winter would be The End and not just for people who like frowning at their phone and those who refer to their anxiety as “my anxiety”. Those not killed by toxic and even harmful fallout drifting around the globe would eventually die in the endless winter along with most planetary life. After whatever amount of time, let’s say aeons- time doesn’t matter to a human race that has chosen death- life would bounce back and begin once more it’s hateful journey toward oblivion. At least according to the new religion I’m joining today because I can’t do this alone.

Understandably, as Ukraine faces destruction, some fear that the world’s response isn’t insane enough. Why not drop a cheeky tasting plate of small nukes on advancing Russian columns of tanks? In fact, what would be wrong, really, with erasing a Russian city from existence? Surely this would be much more practical than talking to the Russians and asking them what they want.

The time for diplomacy is over, some sweet nuke action would bring the Russians crawling back to the negotiating table. Which is not a contradiction, you simply fail to comprehend how powerful but also not dangerous nuclear weapons can be.

Nuclear missiles are like pepper. The waiter comes by to grind it over your food and you simply gesture politely so he stops just before humanity has been wiped out.

Arseholes are building a case for a wider land war in Europe, which according to the prophecy and normal books would be World War Three. They raise the possiblity of nukes because when you want something- industrial mass slaughter- you ask for something more- total extinction. I mean, I think so? As with Putin, we need to ask these people what they really want. I’m sorry everyone, to save the world we are going to have to talk to idiots we want to Hiroshima housebrick in the back of the skull.

Or we could build a worldwide antiwar movement? To be honest, I don’t know what feels more potentially annoying. If I go to a peace rally and anyone breaks out an acoustic guitar I will smash it over my own head. Christ, a fucking peace movement. I’ve been banging that drum non-stop for a week, but now it’s become real to me and will there be hippy drummers? Let’s all die instead.

It is impossible to guess that the people talking up nukes are to a man and Hillary supporter, residents of the USA. These people would simply cease to be in the very first wave of mushroom clouds. It would be almost peaceful. The rest of the world would spend the rest of our short lives wishing we’d nuked these pieces of shit a long time ago. 

These arseholes are arguing that maybe nuclear winter wouldn’t be a thing. There’s only one way to really find out, so sure, let’s risk it because we’re in a movie and movies end with newly cleansed suburb-raised people who tuck in their t-shirts exiting the cinema and being unable to find their cars because they have no reality-perception. Wander into traffic ya pricks.

See you at the extremely irritating peace rallies. Anyone who hands a flower to a cop is cancelled.

 

Albums played loud while writing this: 

Hate Eternal - I, Monarch 

Anaal Nathrakh - Desideratum

Churchburn -  Genocidal Rite.

Deafheaven - Sunbather