Truly Mental

 

Yesterday I bravely made and courageously uploaded a heroic video about Autism. I've recently learned I’m Autistic, which is very strong and special of me. Within minutes of the video going public an anti vaxxer made an angry comment. The point or purpose of the video seemed to barely register with them. They wanted to continue an argument about vaccines and mandates? From months or even years ago? I'm not sure, I don't remember, they can fuck off?

I don't remember a time before disgruntled anti vaxxers, smug anti vaxxers, boorish, boring anti vaxxers. I don't remember a time before mass insanity. I simply replied to the anti vaxxer, “Fuck dude, you are truly mental.” It felt nice.

Let's say you have just told me that you are Autistic. You have just learned that you are Autistic, you tell me this, and I without slowing down continue the discussion, as if the discussion is an argument that I'm having with you, and that what you have just said has proven me right.

Of course this is a beautiful way to operate and I highly recommend it to anyone who is deeply troubled, or struggling to be heard above the din of other tediously insane people.

At the moment the most important thing is to be right. The most important thing is to be a sovereign citizen, a one person nation with your own national anthem, your own flag, but not your own borders, because this is very much not about boundaries. Having boundaries is for the weak minded, the brainwashed, the sheeple.

Let's compare and contrast shall we? On the one hand, you've got me, a freshly unearthed Autistic person, hitting the record button and gathering my thoughts about this new phase of my life, drawing upon my skills as a comedian, a writer, an artist, an activist. Sharing the result, knowing that it's worthwhile, that it will resonate with people.

On the other hand, we have the YouTube commenter, a longtime viewer swinging into the comments on a rope of his own jizz, seconds after the video is live, to be angry. I see that you've made a video, Sean Bedlam, and I'm here to be mad at you. I don't care about your Autism. I don't care about you. I don't care about me or care about anything. I care about being angry. Being angry is what I am. I'm a boring, insane person.

In all my time posting videos to YouTube I've never paid any attention to the top tips for success. The guidelines, the rules, the hints or suggestions. How to succeed, how to get the eyeballs, how to get views. How to Create Content. I understand why now. It’s because I was aware of not fitting into any respectable world. I didn't know why exactly, but I knew. And even now, sure, I'd love to make money out of what I do, but I'm not going to suck any dicks about it.

An idiot once described the internet as a series of tubes, but now it is like it really is fed through a series of tubes. Your information flows through it, then it stops, because someone turned off a tap somewhere. You don't know if your information is going to get through to an audience. To people who are looking for your information you might even be invisible, but mad people will see you, count on it. I can’t count on my words getting out there, but what I can count on is abuse. Abusive comments. From people who are angry at me, the small guy, the little guy, the independent media guy.

Making the pipes suck even harder, since the war in Ukraine started there's been an incredible crackdown on independent media. I'm an independent media guy, I have to use these pipes, that can be shut off at any moment, to make my work vanish. That's capitalism and authoritarianism and of course US imperialism at work. A nation that has 1000 military bases across the earth is hardly going to let information just float around, landing in people's brains where it's going to cause problems.

The internet is now a place where you can share a 90 minute video of your family taking delivery of a new couch. Millions of people will be fascinated. But if you make a three minute video pointing out the contradictions of our modern world, forget about it. Because couch content slots in nicely with advertising, and thoughtful content, no matter how gently it facilitates your process of thinking about how the world works, doesn't. Doesn’t matter if it's there's no anger in it at all, if it's delivered with the kindness of the breath of an angel, content about the real world, content about the impossible situations we find ourselves in, problems that cannot be resolved peacefully, or possibly even at all, or in our lifetimes, this content doesn’t sit nicely alongside advertising.

I'm currently obsessed with a couple of dozen informational podcasts that I found through word of mouth. I listen to these podcasts while I'm working, while making sculpture, while I'm jogging, while I'm washing the dishes. They help me, they're doing the right thing, they're sharing their knowledge about the world. They're not trying to sell me anything. They're not trying to create content that sits nicely alongside advertising. Sometimes they are risking their lives.

I don't know if content that slots in nicely with advertising turns a human brain to sludge, but if that's all you're exposed to it can't be good for your feelings. It must be frustrating to turn on your TV and never see anything that really relates to you, never see anything that resonates, nothing that speaks to the you that's inside you, the you that you try to protect from all the

hateful shit.

There is another kind of content. This seems to contradict what I've just said about advertising. It’s conflict. Turns out that online just as in real life, conflict is a business. People make eyewatering mountains of cash out of conflict. I wonder if it's the same people offline and online profiting from conflict. Hate clicks, hate reads, giving you something horrible to think about.

Anyway, I've just learned I'm Autistic, which has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. I feel fantastic, like I don't care about any of this shit anymore. I feel like I've done my tours of duty. I have served. I've pulled my weight and now everyone can go and get fucked.

How nice.