Open Mic Bomber


I do stand up because I need to be creative and I need to show off. People used to say to me, ‘You must have weird dreams.’ No, I’m just like you. I lie face down and lower my heart rate to one beat per minute and astral travel to the 5th dimension. 

This is an art form. Sure anyone who can speak can try stand up comedy but no-one in history has ever casually stood up in front of strangers and cracked them up for half an hour without thinking about it first. Can we admit there’s probably some thought going into the totally unnatural act of performing like a seal to a collection of possibly soulless faces? Shit, I’ve been doing it for three years and it’s only just sunk in that there’s no escape from bombing. That’s a huge lesson to learn after 150 spots. (150 is an abitrary number, it could be 200 or 250, or 255, or even 256 spots, gosh, who knows?)

It’s not enough to be naturally funny because it only feels natural when the whole night is going really well, there’s a warm mood, and every single person in the room is a friend on the scene. You’d think doing material to a room of people who’ve seen the shit out of your shit would be shit, but it’s not shit, it’s good. 

Stand up comedy is a place where you are rewarded for hiding your intellect. It’s not the modern novel, where the interior life of middle class people is explored with big words, it’s stand up, where the interior life of middle class people is explored with small words. That’s what I like about it, it’s egalitarian. Which is why Australians don’t respect it. Wankers.

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