Shyness is nice


To me soldiers are like atheists: right about everything in a way that’s terribly unhelpful to nearly everybody. It’s the kind of rightness where nobody wins and that’s why it’s a great idea to never trust a hero. 

Yesterday I’m reading that there’s an exciting new hashtag that’s going to change the world one cupcake at a time, “KidsAreHeroes”. This is an Earth shattering anti-bullying initiative aimed at not attacking any root causes of mutual hatred from the usual gold star farmers who live the mission of keeping us supplied with backrubs, encouraging murmuring noises and meaningful eye contact at appropriate moments. Just enough, not too much, yes that’s my finger up your arsehole, breath gently now and accept my universal love.

I quite mistakenly hate everybody which is a huge problem, particularly as it’s actually just idealism, hope and good vibes that have been told they’re naive by stupid people one too many times. As a kid I was bullied and I bullied others and am terribly vigilant about those who would find the bad guys and take them out. That’s called projection and is why I can make jokes about 9/11 without once feeling a twinge about the people who died that day. I guess I can’t live in a Hallmark Greeting Card world without trying to loom over the proceedings, my fangs dripping acid and my heart pumping lightning bolts of sarcasm. I am Everyman. Every fuckhead feels like that. Big. Deal.

Heroes seem to feel they cut themselves loose from the bullshit by taking on mighty tasks or some shit. No Hero, you are the bullshit. This is hard to get into your head because it’s already full of cartoons, Steven Spielberg’s penis and Kathryn Bigelow’s milk of human propaganda, but nice slogans and big speeches are simpleminded, childminded, shitminded shit.

I hope Jesus returns in the form of a better, more hopeful AIDS that targets people who like guns and bumper stickers. 

Kindness is so important isn’t it?

Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 16, 2013 at 10:53 PM

    Supporting a cause with a bumper sticker is like taking a shower to get rid of memories of being raped twenty minutes ago.

    ReplyDelete

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