Toilet Paper

The Herald Sun has run many pieces on the Tunnel Picket, each packed with lies, omissions, errors, half-truths, over-simplifications, concern trolling, trolling trolling, smears, slurs, innuendo, out and out hatred, bitterness, dismay, mock outrage, real outrage, tiny unimportant details magnified into looming chunks of bullshit and it all goes down like 7-11 sandwiches with that segment of their audience. You know, that one: half-wits, numbskulls, addicted deadbeats, drooling wafflers, workplace lunchroom conversational gatekeepers, sad little men, horrid women whose souls imploded long ago leaving a sucking hole. And swaggering fucktards.

Hang on, am I being elitist? If the Herald Sun is the tabloid of the people, read by many, with a lock on public opinion, giving the city what it wants, mustn't I be wrong? Surely I have lost contact with what is real, where people are at, the common man looks at me and sees me for what I am: a wanker who is up himself, a no hoper and a stinking hippy. You are right. My experience of the Tunnel Picket is not as real as the opinion of arseholes who are lied to by a newspaper that feeds this city it's own hate.

I'd like to thank the Herald Sun for winding up the aggro champs who drive by shrieking abuse at the picket. Herald Sun, you are the paper of wifebeaters and child molesters, no one works harder in this town to encourage violence against women and I hope every one of you has a mental breakdown on a crowded tram. I will be like Tarzan swinging joyously from the ropes of teary snot hanging from your shattered face.

Do enjoy your day.


     


Comments

  1. SimoneFebruary 9, 2014 at 10:17 PM

    A mental breakdown on a crowded tram is a damn awful suffering to wish upon your enemies if I ever heard one. I like it!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hotdog Warlord

Image
  I was getting mad that the Wagner boss who seems to have attempted a coup in Russia is being called the “hotdog warlord”. Once upon a time he had a hotdog stand and I was displeased by what I saw as middle class wankers having one of their little laughs at such a working class activity. I was right that they are laughing, but I was wrong about what they were laughing at, which was of course hotdogs. In my rush to always shit on anyone in a suit, in an office, their pretentiousness and out of touchness, it was I who was out of touch, because hotdogs are funny. Sometimes people are just having a laugh. I don’t have to jump down their throats. I could try chilling out to be honest. Hotdog Warlord. How did I not reckon that was funny? What a humorless lefty piece of shit I am. What a terribly earnest party pooper. What a fuckin killjoy. I should be sent to the work camps in Siberia. I should be on a list. I should be transported to Australia and flogged with a cat’o’nine tails. In the 90
Read more

The Exciting Apple Vision Pro

Apple has an embarrassing new product that over-affluent parents are desperate to get their hands on. It’s a headset for looking at videos, that you control with your eyeballs! It’s also goggles you wear to watch the videos you made while it was on your head earlier- before the divorce- and it takes you back to those precious moments? Because the same thing is on your head? Imagine being reminded that you lost your kids because you were a too cashed up nerd, every time you look at a video of your children. Who don’t love you anymore. I joke, because I irrationally hate, but a Youtube guy who tried out this gadget was seriously excited about collecting memories with his child. Yes, bro, they grow up so fast, so strap a shame thing onto your face and gather up all those images of your child becoming increasingly alienated from you because the only part of your face they can see is your weird smile. Your strange techno smile. Your disturbing, self satisfied shitty lips. Your weird fucked
Read more

My Trigger Words

Here's the list of words I'd ask people to avoid using around me as they trigger terrible memories for me: memories, trigger, childhood, mother, school, dad, father, parents, wedding, marriage, divorce, airport, family, brother, step, sister, half, brother, beatings, violence, arguments, abuse, crying, depression, mental, health, illness, apricots, lecture, house, home, night, day, morning, sleep, food, book, reading, education, bullying, haircut, coldsore, lunch, Kraft, Cheddar, vegemite, shop, lifting, police, comic, books, fight, smile, wave, goodbye, airplane, letter, London, Bay, City, Rollers, visit, phone, call, abandonment, development, rear, raise, grow, mature, thwart, damage, ruin, wreck, punish, severely, minor, misdemeanour, tree, fire, burning, yelling, hiding, cricket, stump, hitting, memory, loss, blank, recall, blind, spot, hideous, shame, embarrassment, misery, humiliation, judgement, ignorance, middle, class, job, McJob, vicious, cycle, bicyc
Read more