Gift Shop of the Real

Preparation for the Two Bearded Ladies show is going swimmingly, by which I mean I am doing a lot of swimming so I look buff for the time I'm on stage. Wait, did I say swimming? I meant 'drinking'. Judge me and I will put your judgement up my arse. I can't lose. (Note to self: what was that arse business about? Consider seeking therapy and/or ass play opportunities.)

I don't consider myself an alcoholic because I don't think it's a disease. You can stop drinking, you can't stop tumours by feeling bad enough about them.

I think there is no shortage of stuff people believe right now that 100 years from now will be proof we all have light to moderate head injuries. Not that there will be a 100 years from now if we don't stop passionately believing in Miracle Bubbles(TM) and start making real moves in the actual world. Yeah I know that leaving the world of beliefs for the world of the actual might be too much of a big step for a society built on billboards and wistful feelings. (Note to self: maybe paying lots of close attention to the news is fucking up my world view? Problemly.)

Look in a book shop and you will learn people want to learn how to brush up their attitude so they can make a million bucks they won't know what to do with. Or maybe they want to learn how to live an 'authentic' life, as if this one ending in death isn't enough realism. Anything but what is real is for sale and that's because what is real is for free. We've been trained to expect to pay for everything by first wasting our time at jobs. "May I please exchange my time for this book chock full of time management tips? Thanks." (Note to self: or maybe I just hang out with wankers. Scary thought, but chin up, it's only 8 hours until drink'o'clock.)

Hey don't get me wrong, I haven't filled the hole created by my lack of belief with fresh, new made up beliefs, I'm not some hippy who escapes society only to become a festival frequenting fuckwit. Anyway, I fill the hole with drinking, which is the state sanctioned method for altering the mental state to approximately how a human might feel if they weren't surrounded by people who have intense beliefs as a replacement for logic and/or thinking.

What I'm trying to say is by the time this show comes around I will have thought so deeply about my funny jokes I will be shooting laser beams out of my arsehole. Which should solve the hair problem in at least one region. Amen.

Tickets for Two Bearded Ladies





 

          

Comments

  1. JojoFebruary 18, 2015 at 11:58 PM

    My AuthenticLife™ involves the construction of a human centipede made up of the Liberal Party.

    ReplyDelete

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