Ukraine Opinion Havers

 I can’t get enough of highly educated citizens of the USA stroking their chins thoughtfully as they tweet about the Ukraine while massive, knotty turds that look like a child’s attempt at pottery fall out of their arses into the toilet of their fifth bathroom. They pace back and forth in their four car garages, vaping and formulating their high minded thoughts about a possible Russian invasion, apparently in a state of amnesia of their own support for not one, but two invasions of Iraq. They lean against the outdoor pizza oven they have never used as they ponder the complexities of a geopolitics they have been wrong about since before they were born. They suck their own cocks with a special tube they ordered online, I don’t know where I’m going with that image, but unlike these people I’m creative and sometimes when I’m creating something amazing and pure happens.      

They hail a taxi and start a conversation about Russia. When the driver pauses to breathe on his rant about how Russia owns Facebook they moan, “Keep talking, don’t stop, I’m about to come!” They write an opinion piece that does not refer to any of their earlier thoughts. They live in an eternal moment of having just been born as the smartest baby in the world. 

They work for newspapers and think tanks, they appear on TV and other fiveheads watch and listen and nod along, their gargantuan noggins throwing frightening shadows on the wallpaper that is designed to reflect seriousness. They nod along like they’re at a concert, actual newspapers and magazines strewn about on the bedcovers because they just love the idea of a crying child who forgot his gloves making the delivery in the freezing rain.

Shorty after the second American invasion of Iraq, two such pundits died of cancer, robbing people of goodwill everywhere the opportunity to beat them to death and string their burned bodies from a bridge. Wishful thinking I know, for many such others walk among us to this day and are once again not being punished with death for guiding others to slaughter. Interestingly, neither of these losers was American. The Yanks have bases everywhere and we must be eternally vigilant for their collaborators in our streets and towns and actually piss on them if they start their shit at the pub. Like just piss all over face and hair and children. Are you anti-war or what? We’re not here to fuck spiders.  

They read everything. Their consumption of media is impressive, what with their incredible gift for avoiding any scrap of information that comes from a human who has some idea what they’re talking about. Readily available independent media is ignored and this is where we get to the good bit: are these opinion piece writing fucks wilfully ignorant or are they soulless maggots who are perfectly happy to do their assigned homework? Are they fucking stupid or are they superficial worms who are thrilled to complete tasks set for them by the people who pay them and are therefore their moral superiors?

Since I started writing this it looks like war has broken out, making this an important historical piece that includes a perhaps unnecessary description of some poo. At least you’ll know where you were.

Signed, 

Sean Bedlam

Pivotal Historical Figure