Drone Kiddies

 Drone Kiddies

Disclaimer, sort of: don’t take everything I say here literally unless it helps you have bad enjoyable feelings about people you don’t like.

Today the kindy kidz at The Age Editorial daycare centre have cracked the shitz and called Australian ex-PM Paul Keating a China “dove”. A dove is someone who can’t be cockheaded into a war with China by cockheads. Before we get into that though, yes, Paul Keating ruined Australia, but his way with words is top notch and hey, I was part of Occupy, so don’t talk to me about being impressed by dodgy folks, if it wasn’t for suspect dipshits, I wouldn’t have had as many people to do annoying activism with. And sometimes I feel like the more I actually agree with someone, the less I can stand them? And vice versa. But maybe that’s just my bone deep lack of respect for nearly everybody talking? Anyway, whatever, Paul Keating is an arsehole, but today he’s our arsehole.

How nice is it to hear from someone who just finds people tiresome? And let’s face it, everyone in politics or who talks about politics is just someone who only talks about himself. Glass them all.

So I was wondering whether I should make a list of people I think reckon I’m a dickhead, when I was interrupted by Paul Keating ripping into deadshits, the ones who ran a recent multi-day scare campaign of stories mapping out what the threat from China looks like if you are one of those incredibly weird American Australians who don’t notice all the flags they sneak into their movies and wonder, “Am I watching propaganda?”

I am struggling with punctuation and sentence length today, which is more hurt than anyone at The Age has ever lived through apparently, because their reaction to Keating’s slapdown is that of people who’ve never experienced a richly deserved blow to the head. If you’ll permit me, their sense of offence at being called on their warmongering smacks of entitlement. These are the dogshit people you get representing the thinking classes when the only people who can go to university have a pool at home. And yes, Keating is why only rich kids are allowed to have lives anymore, but geez he can swear properly and ex-PMs can be an amazing source for truth telling about whoever the latest even worse of crop of arseholes running Australia are doing.

I didn’t have one holiday as a kid. “Holidaying” at Grandma’s house, who lived with a man called “Poppa” because they were “old” doesn’t count. Going on a trip once with Nanna doesn’t count. I can’t say it exactly toughened me up though, because I have never relaxed and I want to kill everybody, but I feel like I’m too low social status for people to back me on such a mission? Others of low standing will know this feeling of insecurity that might perhaps be cured by even just one long weekend of bloodletting, but you just never know do you? I do know for pretty sure that it’s really only things like jails that stop me from trying out some of my theories about landlord sacrifice. Oh to truly live, just once.

I think what I like about Paul Keating is that if I argued with him he would be incredibly insulting to me. None of this The Age editor smarmy insistence that we all speak encouragingly with each other while we hold space for a debate about launching missiles at China, a country that is full of people who live here by the way.

There are three ages of man: I’m a baby, I’m deeply fucking uninteresting and I’m very, very old and finally interesting again. Yesterday a real old Cantonese speaking woman and a super old Cantonese speaking man took a very long, loud, time to walk past my place because they couldn’t move quickly or hear anything. Listening to these elders have just the gentlest, very loud chat was so heartwarming. And these The Age snakes remind of going into the Greek chip shop as a kid and clocking the more paranoid punters who deeply disliked that they communicated with each other in Greek. Yes, Barry they’re yelling about you in a chip shop you explosion faced beetroot knob.. And when anyone starts up their China bedwetting it’s such a belt and road map of disgustingly self absorbed paranoid racism and colonialism and imperialism. Hey find your own combination of words to describe it, you can’t go wrong, they’re all fucking dogs.

There are people I respect greatly, but I won’t name them because I don’t want to hear anyone’s shit about how they disrespectfully cleared their throat while you were talking once.

It’s incredible that people who have horrible views about how whole populations should be moved around on a chessboard, or even removed from it entirely with drone strikes, seem to sincerely believe that people like you and I have to earn the right to call them pieces of shit. Hate hate hate. Hate hate hate hate hate. I hate them all.