Moving house forever
I wrote this with The Oh Sees and Viagra Boys in my headphones.
It’s four months since I wrote here. Since then our limited time has been invaded and eaten by house moving activities. We didn’t move once, we moved twice. We packed and carried boxes, settled in to make a new place feel like a home, then we fucking fucking did it again. It’s good here now, but that was my friggin summer.
So, yeah, not many opportunities to get creative, however I can finally start making art, I should be doing standup again soon and just last night it hit me that I wanted to start writing again. And I mean writing literally anything. Shopping lists. I don’t care.
I want to write, but what? I’m over having opinions, podcasting killed that for me. I used to do angry ranting, but that was draining, and everyone is angry now, so there’s no point in it anyway.
I had a few days near the end of last year where I could focus on writing standup. I enjoyed it, I felt busy, and it turned out to be bullshit because since then I’ve done no standup writing, apart from every time a joke just magically pops into my head. And these jokes are always light years ahead of what I was cleverly crafting those few golden look-at-me-I’m-being-a-writer hours.
So there’s no reason to write for standup, I don’t want to write angry opinions, or any opinions, and I proved to myself I couldn’t write a film script, or a novel, so what am I going to write? Will I write words for videos that I also don’t want to make?
The last video I posted got sixty views and I took that as a tip to just stop for a while. It wasn’t that I doubted the videos, nope, I was proud of what I made over lockdown, but it feels like I’m selling myself short. Even great responses from the few who do see my work isn’t enough. I am just not that humble bro. I can’t just do it for the art.
If you’ve read this far, good for you.
I said I couldn’t write a film script, but the case is really that I watch a lot of great movies that very few people are even aware of and I can’t face the the idea of successfully scripting and making a movies that nobody sees. I’m just not interested in any more character building life disasters. I can’t do it to myself.
I watched an Australian movie called 100 Bloody Acres over the weekend. I think I could do something like that and that my movie would also be marketed and distributed really badly and then go down the memory hole. No thanks, I’m not strong enough.
I’m reading Roberto Bolano’s 2666 and closing in on the end of this very long book I noticed that it is full of tangents. Well, guess what, I’m full of tangents too. Maybe I can write tangents for a while and see where they take me.
Right, that’ll do for today, I’m going to make some sculpture. I'm doing sculpture again, and it's awesome, but it's hard on my body.
Maybe I could just do complaint tangents.
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