Shut Up Losers

Why don’t you have a sook mate? Have a sook champ, you’ve earned it by being alive during a time of change. I think you should have a big sook because you are experiencing a thing that is new to you. I am so sorry that society is slightly different, no one should ever have to go through that.

Social change is hard work, you have to talk to people on a level, but you can’t spend all your time trying to keep fuckheads sweet. And also it’s weird, because sometimes it’s hard to know what people are even complaining about. Like, are you really mad that there seem to be more types of people now? Are you actually offended by the existence of all the people who aren’t exactly you? Because if I went outside and everyone was me, I’d leave the suburbs and go live somewhere real.

The suburbs are not a real place. Anywhere you are not constantly on foot and bumping into other people who are also walking is dogshit. I grew up in the suburbs and because I was an outcast I would wander the streets on the weekend wondering where everyone was. I mean sure, some people can maintain their humanity even in a place where everyone is alienated by the loneliness of the single occupant motorised vehicle. I reckon I’ve met at least two and I’m not one of them.

The young male suicide rate where I grew up was truly phenomenal. In my mid-twenties I added up all the men my age who had laid down on the railway tracks or set fire to themselves. It was something like one for every year I’d been alive. I wonder if nowadays they’d be kept breathing by easy access to social media and the sport of hating everyone who isn’t actually an oppressor. I don’t know. I didn’t know they were so miserable and I grew up in the same hyper conformist, violent nothingness.

The left gets a lot of shit for not laying out the red carpet for people with no emotional intelligence and an extreme sense of entitlement. Lefties are supposed to be carefully deprogamming nazis and incels and hateful bastards and podcast listeners, but with what resources? There’s no money on the left and now Australia is committing to spend all of your and my now and future wealth on the American commitment to making China fight them. Maybe sooks could focus on that instead of shitting the bed about incredibly superficial change. For a pack of arseholes who want everyone to harden up you sure are easily distracted oversensitive snowflakes.

The other night I was at a standup comedy show and a funny comic confused the shit out of me when he started talking shit about Will Smith’s wife. I’m watching one of my fellow white men talking about a black woman and I’m baffled by the sexism and racism, sure, but I’m mostly blown away that he’s being a fucking little bitch about celebrity gossip. I don’t know what to do with that, but I do know Will Smith did society a big favour when he slapped the fucking shit out of standup comedy. So many hysterical men who need their bell rung. Shut up you fucking losers.