Have A Sook Dog

Australia’s Most Controversial Senator steps out of the car and before she’s taken two steps a sexist, racist comment is lobbed at her by a bloke I saw at Bunnings the other day. Without breaking stride the senator pulls a Desert Eagle pistol from her left shoulder holster and pumps all 8 rounds into his skull. One of the bloke’s loser mates, who I saw smoking outside a pokies and talking about real estate, pipes up with a comment that this is just typical and that the senator is not fit to serve the public. The senator pauses as if to say something, but instead loads a fresh clip and shoots both of his arms off at the elbow. “Try clutching your pearls now, cunt.”

The senator’s comment angers a fellow I saw buying VB when there was better beer on sale cheaper at the bottle shop. He starts to say, “With language like that-” but his lower jaw is simply removed with five well placed shots. While the senator reloads, another guy has time to open his cakehole to ask a quick question about whether all these bullets are being paid for with his taxes. The senator reaches into her right shoulder holster and walks towards the source of debate, shooting two fisted until his face is missing.

By now, like in the song, It’s Raining Men, it’s raining men. They are coming from everywhere to make the kind of comments a certain kind of chap likes to regurgitate along with his bosses’ come. Bootlickers, deadset arseholes and pissants arrive in buses and in the back of utes, which in their haste roll over three times, killing everyone on board who is called Darren, which is all of them. The senator seems to be everywhere, like in the news which she is all the time because she’s a staunch legend who pisses off all the right people. Shoot, reload, keep shooting, men who got married “to keep the missus happy” are dying like flies. Their blood creates a trip hazard and a nice man with a fluro vest puts out some of those little yellow plastic A-board warning signs to remind people not to slip over.

Gaining the higher ground by climbing onto a pile of dead fuckheads, the senator realises nobody’s making any more smartarse comments. Onlookers begin to cheer, applauding wildly, but the senator gestures with her smoking pistols for silence. “This isn’t about me, this about all of us. I mean, it’s not about racist fuckheads, they can suck my dick. Or should I say, they can suck our dick?” The senator winks and everyone laughs and laughs and laughs and they all paint each other’s faces with blood and dance until the sun comes up and all the normies sook about it like the weak dogs they are.